When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize