Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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