At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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