theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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