did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
