4 words: hood of his car
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
