I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
