Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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