I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
