Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
