I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
