If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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