I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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