Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
bring money and cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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