Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
