Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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