I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
