I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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