Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
