He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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