guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
