I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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