So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
