at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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