put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
