Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
