Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
pop tarts are not kleenex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
