i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
