you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
