She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You are a genius and a whore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
