Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
