the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
