So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
