I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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