: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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