he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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