drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They have beer where we have blood.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
