he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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