you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
