ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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