I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
