How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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