I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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