This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
