If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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