Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i came on her dog
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
