i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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