I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
