you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
