Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
