im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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