I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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