I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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