Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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