Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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