dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
