I think my fart just growled at me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
