i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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