saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
