Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
