He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need water and some morals
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
