if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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