I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
