So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
