I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize