she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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