the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
