i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
