Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
