It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
