she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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