I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
