Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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