the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm getting married
To pizza
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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