After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
where does the pee come out of this thing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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