Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
