i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize