Buhtt sex?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
