i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
