Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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