I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
