Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
