Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
