Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
