you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
