She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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