You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
