Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
