we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
