omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
