You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
