The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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