The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
