I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
