ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
