Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
