she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
