It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
