I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
