My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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