If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
