dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
