uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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