I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
