everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
