thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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